


why must i be a teenager in love?

by onlykaspbrakk



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Gay Richie Tozier, M/M, the happy ending was only in the second chapter, the second chapter is the exact same but they get a happy ending because i felt bad, this is probably my favorite thing I've ever written
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:33:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24582376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onlykaspbrakk/pseuds/onlykaspbrakk
Summary: At a young age, Richie knew. Knew that he was different from the other boys at school. In what way? That he wasn’t quite sure of.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

At a young age, Richie knew. Knew that he was different from the other boys at school. In what way? That he wasn’t quite sure of. Well until he met Eddie Kaspbrak. Eddie Kaspbrak was always a firecracker, even when Richie met him in the 4th grade. Especially as they grew older. Eddie could fire back at Richie’s jokes with ease. Stan did it too sure, and Stan was his best friend, but it… it was different with Eddie. Richie couldn’t describe it. Every time the shorter kid shot back at Richie, his chest felt heavier and lighter simultaneously. By the time his friends were talking about how they felt about girls, Richie recognized the feeling he felt in his chest in the stories they told about the girls they were crushing on. He liked Eddie. But Richie knew. Knew that he shouldn’t like boys. He was old enough to understand the words thrown at other boys. But, Richie couldn’t help the way he felt. Nor could he help the small spark of hope that Eddie might feel the same way. Eddie never talked about any girls he liked. Not once. When asked he’d shrug, and say something like, “I don’t really like any girls.” Richie thought for the first time in his life, maybe he wasn’t alone. Maybe there was someone else. 

Richie hadn’t told his friends, he hadn’t told anyone. The reality of who he was hit him during the summer of ‘89. He and Bill fought, and Richie did what he did best. Pretended nothing was wrong. It felt wrong not spending time with his friends, but at least Richie could forget the current situation by going to the arcade. So that’s what he did. At the arcade, he met a boy. He said his name was Connor and he was from New York but was visiting for the summer. Richie wondered why anyone would ever visit Derry, but he never asked. Unfortunately, Richie found out anyway. Richie couldn’t help it, he made eye contact for a bit too long, and let his hand linger after high fives. To be fair, it wasn’t just Richie doing this. When their elbows would touch Conner would lean into Richie, he’d sneak glances at Richie as they were playing. After a round of Street Fighter, Richie let his hand linger longer than usual. This was Richie’s attempt of flirting, no one ever teaches boys how to flirt with other boys without possibly getting murdered in the process. Richie didn’t really notice the Bowers Gang walk in until he heard Connor speak up, “Dude, why are you being weird? I’m not your fucking boyfriend.” Richie tried to stutter out an answer despite his confusion, but Henry spoke instead, “The fucks going on here?”

“You didn’t tell me your town was full of little fairies.” 

“Richie fucking Tozier? You trying to bone my little cousin?” That’s why Conner was here, he was Henry’s cousin. Richie couldn’t be here anymore, so he turned on his heels and left. Now, Richie didn’t like to cry, but the second he got outside, he couldn’t help it. The one place he felt safe at was now a place he didn’t think he could ever feel safe again. Connor knew. Was he that obvious? The worst part was everyone in there was looking at him. They could hear everything. They all knew. And the word was spread. If everyone knew, someone in this godforsaken town might actually kill him. That is if the fucking alien space clown didn’t kill him first. This town would literally be the death of him. Maybe he could be himself in somewhere that wasn’t Derry. Like San Francisco. Richie overheard his parents planning a vacation a couple of months ago when his mom suggested San Fran. Richie remembered how hid father said, “That place is full of queers you know? They even have fucking, fucking parades about it. Like it’s something to be proud of.” Richie remembered how hearing his father say those words stung. Maybe if Richie lived there he could be happy. He could be himself.  
The next summer, things were normal again. Richie and Bill weren’t fighting, the friend group wasn’t split up, and Ben had built them a clubhouse. It was a decent size and pretty well made all things considered. Soon enough, they made the place theirs. It was filled with comics and a stereo. They had even hung a hammock. Richie had a habit of hogging the hammock. The other losers didn’t really mind, but it always made Eddie super mad. “Fine!” Eddie had exclaimed one day after Richie refused to share, “Ten minutes! Everyone gets ten minutes in the fucking hammock!” Richie had agreed, though it didn’t mean much. Eddie could ask Richie to kill someone and Richie would. He’d do anything for Eddie. 

On this particular afternoon, Richie sat in the hammock, half-reading the comic, and the other half listening to his friends’ conversation. Richie looked up to Stan holding out something for him to grab, “The fuck is this?” 

“So you don’t get spiders stuck in your hair,” Stan was always thinking about other people, putting them before himself, but Richie wasn’t really scared of spiders. He wasn’t really scared of anything that wasn’t the entire town finding out he was a queer and then being brutally murdered. None of them should really be afraid of spiders, they’d all faced a demonic clown at the age of 13, spiders were the least of their worries.

“Stanley, we’re not afraid of fucking spiders.” Stan gave a small shrug and walked away, “I stand corrected.” 

Richie couldn’t really think after that though, because as Richie commented about spiders, Eddie took his shower cap off. He took it off. Because Richie said that they weren’t afraid of spiders. He took it off for Richie. That ignited the candle wick in Richie’s heart. The tiny ember of hope that Eddie could be like him growing larger. Richie knew Eddie really was afraid of spiders, and he still did it for Richie. 

Richie looked back to the comic but noticing from the corner of his eye that Eddie was walking in his direction. Richie’s mind went to something along the line of, “Oh Richie, I’m so madly in love with you I can hardly stand it! We should run away together and adopt a dog!” But those we’re not the words that came out of Eddie’s mouth, much to Richie’s demise.

“Hey, Richie, your ten minutes are up.” 

“What are you talking about?” 

“The hammock. Ten minutes each was the rule.”

“I don’t see any sign…” 

“Are you being this way now? Really? Why would there be a sign if it was a verbal agreement?”

“I don’t remember-” Before Richie could finish what he was saying, Eddie cut him off.

“I remember you agreeing on the fucking rule.” Eddie made a big show of punctuating every word he was saying before climbing in the hammock with Richie. Richie was just planning on riling Eddie up a little bit (he was cute when he was mad) but Richie never expected this. He stopped talking for a moment, shocked at Eddie’s choice. Realizing that he was making himself obvious, he began arguing with Eddie absentmindedly. 

Their fighting died down for a moment, just in time for Ben to say, “There’s actually a summer program. In Bar Harbor. They teach you like everything about architecture. I was thinking about applying.” 

“I’ll do that. I’ll do anything to get the hell out of Derry.” He meant it, Richie knew he couldn’t stay here. It was never meant for him. It didn’t feel like home, it just kind of felt like he was staying here for a while. Richie wondered if the rest of the Losers felt like that. He didn’t know. He never bothered to ask. 

“Do you guys think we’ll still be friends? When we’re older.” Richie didn’t know. He’d always assumed they’d be. But there was something, deep inside his chest told him that that wouldn’t be the case. Something told him that once they left this town, everything would fall apart. 

“Are any of your parents still friends with people from middle school? Things might be different then.” After Stan’s sentence, Eddie kicked Richie’s glasses off. Richie had never been flirted with, but if he was asked to identify it, it would probably be something like that. The flame in Richie’s chest grew larger. He felt like a ticking time bomb, just waiting to go off and for his feelings to be exposed. Richie felt that it might actually happen if he didn’t find a way to express his feelings soon. 

“Stan, stop being so sad.” And that was the end of the deep talk. Richie couldn’t shake the feeling that after they left Derry, nothing would be the same. Richie couldn’t unlight the fire either, it was only a matter of time until everything would change. 

Before Richie slept that night he thought of Eddie. He thought of Stan’s broken voice asking if they’d still be friends. Richie wondered that too. But not for the same reason as Stan. Richie wondered if they’d still be friends after they found the truth about him. Would they just kick Richie from the Losers Club? Would they all still eat lunch together, and he would have to pretend that they weren’t talking about him when they’d glance over and lower his voice? Even though his friends were losers, it would be humiliating to be kicked out of their group. How much of a loser do you have to be kicked from the Losers Club? 

Richie turned on his side to check the alarm clock on his desk for the time, noticing the pocket knife his father had bought him sitting next to it. He suddenly knew what he had to do.   
The very next day Richie woke up early, it seemed as if he didn’t do it now, the world would end. He had to express his feelings. He couldn’t tell anyone, so this was his next best option. His mom wasn’t awake yet and his dad was at work so it was the perfect time to go. Richie rushed out of the house, grabbing his bike and taking off. Thoughts buzzed around his head as he biked. Although this wasn’t a confession, it sure felt like it was. Someone could be there. Someone could see him. Eddie could see this someday, but he would never know it’s about him. 

Richie quickly parked his bike, fiddling with the pocket knife. He sighed, sinking to his knees and opening the knife. The knife marking the wood felt as he was cutting the letters into his heart rather than a piece of fencing, although they had already been engraved there. An outline of Eddie was carved into his heart and mind. Doing this made it seem real before there was no concrete evidence that he liked Eddie. This was proof. This was Richie making his mark on this stupid town that not even a pitstop on a road trip. This was Richie’s big ‘fuck you’ to everyone here because he’s sitting here carving his and another boy’s initials into the kissing bridge. 

The school year came suddenly, like a train. It felt wrong when Mike wasn’t with them. They were 8th graders. Goodbye middle school and hello high school. One year closer to getting out of this fucking town. One year closer to Richie finally being able to move to a place where he can be authentically Richie. He won’t have to hide anything. 

As they were sitting at the lunch table, Eddie came over. Enthusiastic as ever. “What’s got you all excited Eds?” 

“I went on a date last night!” 

“W-with who?” Bill asked. Richie felt frozen. His heart had not only dropped to his stomach but to the depths of hell and then shattered into a million pieces. The flame was doused in water. 

“Melissa. Melissa Johnson.” 

“Holy shit Eddie did you really?” He nodded. Melissa was probably one of the prettiest girls in school. If Richie liked girls he would be jealous. Well, jealous of Eddie and not of Melissa like he is now. 

“What you do? Go through your medicine cabinet?” That wasn’t Richie’s best joke, but he didn’t need to seem like he was gonna go cry in the bathroom stall. 

“No, fuckface. We went to the Alladin, and then we walked to the kissing bridge-” After that Richie zoned out. She took him to the kissing bridge. That was Richie’s place, and now Eddie and some girl have their initials on the bridge when Eddie’s were already there. Richie thought he was going to be sick. 

“Sorry- I have to go. I’ll be back.”   
And so Richie ran to the bathroom. He sat on the disgusting bathroom floor and he threw up. And then after he cried. Richie hadn’t cried since everything with Connor happened. It’s been over a year. And now he’s sitting in another public place, crying over another boy. Maybe some things don’t change. 

“Richie?” It was Stan. Richie was glad it wasn’t Eddie, “Are you okay?” 

“No.” 

“Wanna talk?” 

“No.” 

“Are you sure?” Richie considered for a moment. Stan has been his best friend since 2nd grade. They told each other everything. 

“No.” 

“Can I come in?” Richie didn’t say anything. He just reached over and unlocked the stall door. And Stan slowly sat down, “Is it Eddie,” Richie nodded. Not finding the energy to care about Stan knowing. 

“I’m in love with him.” 

“I know. And thank you for telling me. I know it’s scary, but you’re my best friend. I’ll never leave you.” 

That just made Richie cry harder, pulling Stan into a hug, “I love you, Stan.” 

“I love you too, Rich. Now, are you gonna tell me why that bothered you so much?” 

So he told Stan. He told Stan about the carving, and he told him about the feelings involved, “Wow Richie, that’s a long time to keep a secret.” 

“Tell me about it, you’re not the one that has to live with it.” 

Stan laughed slightly, “We should go back.” 

“Yeah.” 

On his way out, Richie glanced in the mirror, you could tell he’d been crying, and he was pale from being sick. Richie could only hope that they didn’t say anything. 

Time passed and Summer came. Eddie only saw Melissa a handful of times. He was the one who ended it. Saying, “it just didn’t feel right.” That relit the spark hidden in Richie. It wasn’t blazing like it was before, but it wasn’t out. His insides felt like they were on fire again. Stan was just as good of a secret keeper as Richie was, though now Stan would share knowing glances every time Richie would ruffle Eddie’s hair or tease him about something small. 

Richie had grown more than a few inches, he was about 6’0 even now. Just as tall as Mike, but in a different way. While Mike was nicely built and muscular from years of farm work, Richie was gangly and awkward. Eddie hadn’t grown but two or three inches, saying he was just a late bloomer and Richie grew too early. Richie of course responded with something like ‘my legs aren’t the only thing that grew’ earning a bunch of groans from his friends. This summer, the pair wouldn’t fit in the hammock together. Or so Richie thought. 

It was a cool night, which wasn’t uncommon for Maine. The rest of the Losers were at home, but Richie needed to get away from his parents. They were talking about the queers again, and Richie couldn’t stand it he had to get out, so he biked to the clubhouse. 

Richie parked his bike, claiming a spot on the hammock, turning on the radio to Smells Like Teen Spirit playing, and then picking up the comic book he was last reading. It terrified Richie when less than a minute later he heard someone climbing down. Richie looked up to find it was Eddie. 

“Eds? What are you doing here?” 

“My mom,” Richie nodded in understanding, “Can I join you?” 

“Sure but I don’t think you’re gonna-” Eddie climbed into the hammock, not across from Richie, but on top of him, facing him. “-fit.” 

Riche’s face was beet red, “Hi,” It was a faint whisper, but it still felt too loud for the moment at hand. 

“Hi.” 

What Richie did next surprised him. He leaned up, connecting his lips to Eddie’s. It was a short kiss, but still Richie’s first, “What the fuck was that?” 

“What do you mean what the fuck was that? It was a kiss.” 

“Yeah, I know. But why?”

“I-I like you asshole.” 

“You’re gay?”

“Yeah?” 

“Thanks for telling me ‘Chee but, but I’m not.” 

And Riche’s heart was torn. The outline of Eddie, forcefully torn out. The R + E carved there was scratched out until it was unrecognizable. The only place where they were forever was the carving on the bridge, “I’m sorry,” Richie’s voice surprised him. His throat burned. He should have known Eddie wasn’t his to have. Nothing in this town was his to have.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i felt bad so i wrote an alt ending

At a young age, Richie knew. Knew that he was different from the other boys at school. In what way? That he wasn’t quite sure of. Well until he met Eddie Kaspbrak. Eddie Kaspbrak was always a firecracker, even when Richie met him in the 4th grade. Especially as they grew older. Eddie could fire back at Richie’s jokes with ease. Stan did it too sure, and Stan was his best friend, but it… it was different with Eddie. Richie couldn’t describe it. Every time the shorter kid shot back at Richie, his chest felt heavier and lighter simultaneously. By the time his friends were talking about how they felt about girls, Richie recognized the feeling he felt in his chest in the stories they told about the girls they were crushing on. He liked Eddie. But Richie knew. Knew that he shouldn’t like boys. He was old enough to understand the words thrown at other boys. But, Richie couldn’t help the way he felt. Nor could he help the small spark of hope that Eddie might feel the same way. Eddie never talked about any girls he liked. Not once. When asked he’d shrug, and say something like, “I don’t really like any girls.” Richie thought for the first time in his life, maybe he wasn’t alone. Maybe there was someone else. 

Richie hadn’t told his friends, he hadn’t told anyone. The reality of who he was hit him during the summer of ‘89. He and Bill fought, and Richie did what he did best. Pretended nothing was wrong. It felt wrong not spending time with his friends, but at least Richie could forget the current situation by going to the arcade. So that’s what he did. At the arcade, he met a boy. He said his name was Connor and he was from New York but was visiting for the summer. Richie wondered why anyone would ever visit Derry, but he never asked. Unfortunately, Richie found out anyway. Richie couldn’t help it, he made eye contact for a bit too long, and let his hand linger after high fives. To be fair, it wasn’t just Richie doing this. When their elbows would touch Conner would lean into Richie, he’d sneak glances at Richie as they were playing. After a round of Street Fighter, Richie let his hand linger longer than usual. This was Richie’s attempt of flirting, no one ever teaches boys how to flirt with other boys without possibly getting murdered in the process. Richie didn’t really notice the Bowers Gang walk in until he heard Connor speak up, “Dude, why are you being weird? I’m not your fucking boyfriend.” Richie tried to stutter out an answer despite his confusion, but Henry spoke instead, “The fucks going on here?”

“You didn’t tell me your town was full of little fairies.” 

“Richie fucking Tozier? You trying to bone my little cousin?” That’s why Conner was here, he was Henry’s cousin. Richie couldn’t be here anymore, so he turned on his heels and left. Now, Richie didn’t like to cry, but the second he got outside, he couldn’t help it. The one place he felt safe at was now a place he didn’t think he could ever feel safe again. Connor knew. Was he that obvious? The worst part was everyone in there was looking at him. They could hear everything. They all knew. And the word was spread. If everyone knew, someone in this godforsaken town might actually kill him. That is if the fucking alien space clown didn’t kill him first. This town would literally be the death of him. Maybe he could be himself in somewhere that wasn’t Derry. Like San Francisco. Richie overheard his parents planning a vacation a couple of months ago when his mom suggested San Fran. Richie remembered how hid father said, “That place is full of queers you know? They even have fucking, fucking parades about it. Like it’s something to be proud of.” Richie remembered how hearing his father say those words stung. Maybe if Richie lived there he could be happy. He could be himself.

The next summer, things were normal again. Richie and Bill weren’t fighting, the friend group wasn’t split up, and Ben had built them a clubhouse. It was a decent size and pretty well made all things considered. Soon enough, they made the place theirs. It was filled with comics and a stereo. They had even hung a hammock. Richie had a habit of hogging the hammock. The other losers didn’t really mind, but it always made Eddie super mad. “Fine!” Eddie had exclaimed one day after Richie refused to share, “Ten minutes! Everyone gets ten minutes in the fucking hammock!” Richie had agreed, though it didn’t mean much. Eddie could ask Richie to kill someone and Richie would. He’d do anything for Eddie. 

On this particular afternoon, Richie sat in the hammock, half-reading the comic, and the other half listening to his friends’ conversation. Richie looked up to Stan holding out something for him to grab, “The fuck is this?” 

“So you don’t get spiders stuck in your hair,” Stan was always thinking about other people, putting them before himself, but Richie wasn’t really scared of spiders. He wasn’t really scared of anything that wasn’t the entire town finding out he was a queer and then being brutally murdered. None of them should really be afraid of spiders, they’d all faced a demonic clown at the age of 13, spiders were the least of their worries.

“Stanley, we’re not afraid of fucking spiders.” Stan gave a small shrug and walked away, “I stand corrected.” 

Richie couldn’t really think after that though, because as Richie commented about spiders, Eddie took his shower cap off. He took it off. Because Richie said that they weren’t afraid of spiders. He took it off for Richie. That ignited the candle wick in Richie’s heart. The tiny ember of hope that Eddie could be like him growing larger. Richie knew Eddie really was afraid of spiders, and he still did it for Richie. 

Richie looked back to the comic but noticing from the corner of his eye that Eddie was walking in his direction. Richie’s mind went to something along the line of, “Oh Richie, I’m so madly in love with you I can hardly stand it! We should run away together and adopt a dog!” But those we’re not the words that came out of Eddie’s mouth, much to Richie’s demise.

“Hey, Richie, your ten minutes are up.” 

“What are you talking about?” 

“The hammock. Ten minutes each was the rule.”

“I don’t see any sign…” 

“Are you being this way now? Really? Why would there be a sign if it was a verbal agreement?”

“I don’t remember-” Before Richie could finish what he was saying, Eddie cut him off.

“I remember you agreeing on the fucking rule.” Eddie made a big show of punctuating every word he was saying before climbing in the hammock with Richie. Richie was just planning on riling Eddie up a little bit (he was cute when he was mad) but Richie never expected this. He stopped talking for a moment, shocked at Eddie’s choice. Realizing that he was making himself obvious, he began arguing with Eddie absentmindedly. 

Their fighting died down for a moment, just in time for Ben to say, “There’s actually a summer program. In Bar Harbor. They teach you like everything about architecture. I was thinking about applying.” 

“I’ll do that. I’ll do anything to get the hell out of Derry.” He meant it, Richie knew he couldn’t stay here. It was never meant for him. It didn’t feel like home, it just kind of felt like he was staying here for a while. Richie wondered if the rest of the Losers felt like that. He didn’t know. He never bothered to ask. 

“Do you guys think we’ll still be friends? When we’re older.” Richie didn’t know. He’d always assumed they’d be. But there was something, deep inside his chest told him that that wouldn’t be the case. Something told him that once they left this town, everything would fall apart. 

“Are any of your parents still friends with people from middle school? Things might be different then.” After Stan’s sentence, Eddie kicked Richie’s glasses off. Richie had never been flirted with, but if he was asked to identify it, it would probably be something like that. The flame in Richie’s chest grew larger. He felt like a ticking time bomb, just waiting to go off and for his feelings to be exposed. Richie felt that it might actually happen if he didn’t find a way to express his feelings soon. 

“Stan, stop being so sad.” And that was the end of the deep talk. Richie couldn’t shake the feeling that after they left Derry, nothing would be the same. Richie couldn’t unlight the fire either, it was only a matter of time until everything would change. 

Before Richie slept that night he thought of Eddie. He thought of Stan’s broken voice asking if they’d still be friends. Richie wondered that too. But not for the same reason as Stan. Richie wondered if they’d still be friends after they found the truth about him. Would they just kick Richie from the Losers Club? Would they all still eat lunch together, and he would have to pretend that they weren’t talking about him when they’d glance over and lower his voice? Even though his friends were losers, it would be humiliating to be kicked out of their group. How much of a loser do you have to be kicked from the Losers Club? 

Richie turned on his side to check the alarm clock on his desk for the time, noticing the pocket knife his father had bought him sitting next to it. He suddenly knew what he had to do.   
The very next day Richie woke up early, it seemed as if he didn’t do it now, the world would end. He had to express his feelings. He couldn’t tell anyone, so this was his next best option. His mom wasn’t awake yet and his dad was at work so it was the perfect time to go. Richie rushed out of the house, grabbing his bike and taking off. Thoughts buzzed around his head as he biked. Although this wasn’t a confession, it sure felt like it was. Someone could be there. Someone could see him. Eddie could see this someday, but he would never know it’s about him. 

Richie quickly parked his bike, fiddling with the pocket knife. He sighed, sinking to his knees and opening the knife. The knife marking the wood felt as he was cutting the letters into his heart rather than a piece of fencing, although they had already been engraved there. An outline of Eddie was craved into his heart and mind. Doing this made it seem real before there was no concrete evidence that he liked Eddie. This was proof. This was Richie making his mark on this stupid town that not even a pitstop on a road trip. This was Richie’s big ‘fuck you’ to everyone here because he’s sitting here carving his and another boy’s initials into the kissing bridge. 

The school year came suddenly, like a train. It felt wrong when Mike wasn’t with them. They were 8th graders. Goodbye middle school and hello high school. One year closer to getting out of this fucking town. One year closer to Richie finally being able to move to a place where he can be authentically Richie. He won’t have to hide anything. 

As they were sitting at the lunch table, Eddie comes over. Enthusiastic as ever. “What’s got you all excited Eds?” 

“I went on a date last night!” 

“W-with who?” Bill asked. Richie felt frozen. His heart had not only dropped to his stomach but to the depths of hell and then shattered into a million pieces. The flame was doused in water. 

“Melissa. Melissa Johnson.” 

“Holy shit Eddie did you really?” He nodded. Melissa was probably one of the prettiest girls in school. If Richie liked girls he would be jealous. Well, jealous of Eddie and not of Melissa like he is now. 

“What you do? Go through your medicine cabinet?” That wasn’t Richie’s best joke, but he didn’t need to seem like he was gonna go cry in the bathroom stall. 

“No, fuckface. We went to the Alladin, and then we walked to the kissing bridge-” After that Richie zoned out. She took him to the kissing bridge. That was Richie’s place, and now Eddie and some girl have their initials on the bridge when Eddie’s were already there. Richie thought he was going to be sick. 

“Sorry- I have to go. I’ll be back.”   
And so Richie ran to the bathroom. He sat on the disgusting bathroom floor and he threw up. And then after he cried. Richie hadn’t cried since everything with Connor happened. It’s been over a year. And now he’s sitting in another public place, crying over another boy. Maybe somethings don’t change. 

“Richie?” It was Stan. Richie was glad it wasn’t Eddie, “Are you okay?” 

“No.” 

“Wanna talk?” 

“No.” 

“Are you sure?” Richie considered for a moment. Stan has been his best friend since 2nd grade. They told each other everything. 

“No.” 

“Can I come in?” Richie didn’t say anything. He just reached over and unlocked the stall door. And Stan slowly sat down, “Is it Eddie,” Richie nodded. Not finding the energy to care about Stan knowing. 

“I’m in love with him.” 

“I know. And thank you for telling me. I know it’s scary, but you’re my best friend. I’ll never leave you.” 

That just made Richie cry harder, pulling Stan into a hug, “I love you, Stan.” 

“I love you too, Rich. Now, are you gonna tell me why that bothered you so much?” 

So he told Stan. He told Stan about the carving, and he told him about the feelings involved, “Wow Richie, that’s a long time to keep a secret.” 

“Tell me about it, you’re not the one that has to live with it.” 

Stan laughed slightly, “We should go back.” 

“Yeah.” 

On his way out, Richie glanced in the mirror, you could tell he’d been crying, and he was pale from being sick. Richie could only hope that they didn’t say anything. 

Time passed and Summer came. Eddie only saw Melissa a handful of times. He was the one who ended it. Saying, “it just didn’t feel right.” That relit the spark hidden in Richie. It wasn’t blazing like it was before, but it wasn’t out. His insides felt like they were on fire again. Stan was just as good of a secret keeper as Richie was, though now Stan would share knowing glances every time Richie would ruffle Eddie’s hair or tease him about something small. 

Richie had grown more than a few inches, he was about 6’0 even now. Just as tall as Mike, but in a different way. While Mike was nicely built and muscular from years of farm work, Richie was gangly and awkward. Eddie hadn’t grown but two or three inches, saying he was just a late bloomer and Richie grew too early. Richie of course responded with something like ‘my legs aren’t the only thing that grew’ earning a bunch of groans from his friends. This summer, the pair wouldn’t fit in the hammock together. Or so Richie thought. 

It was a cool night, which wasn’t uncommon for Maine. The rest of the Losers were at home, but Richie needed to get away from his parents. They were talking about the queers again, and Richie couldn’t stand it he had to get out, so he biked to the clubhouse. 

Richie parked his bike, claiming a spot on the hammock, turning on the radio to Smells Like Teen Spirit playing, and then picking up the comic book he was last reading. It terrified Richie when less than a minute later he heard someone climbing down. Richie looked up to find it was Eddie. 

“Eds? What are you doing here?” 

“My mom,” Richie nodded in understanding, “Can I join you?” 

“Sure but I don’t think you’re gonna-” Eddie climbed into the hammock, not across from Richie, but on top of him, facing him. “-fit.” 

Riche’s face was beet red, “Hi,” It was a faint whisper, but it still felt too loud for the moment at hand. 

“Hi.” 

What Richie did next surprised him. He leaned up, connecting his lips to Eddie’s. And Eddie kissed him back. And everything clicked into place for the first time in Richie’s life. Richie knew. Knew that Eddie was finally his to keep.


End file.
